Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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