We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
