we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
