omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
