if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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