it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
