No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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