i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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