My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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