people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
