No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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