i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
