I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
