Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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