You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
