Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
