But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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