i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
