You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
