I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
