i permit you to call me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
