So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
