Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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