He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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