and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize