i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
