Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
