if only i could text you this smell
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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