Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
