LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
