I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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