i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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