that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
