3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
