saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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