Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
