Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize