He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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