Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
