can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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