Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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