those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
