its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize