I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
