Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize