Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
