you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
