and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
