The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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