Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
