Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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