remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
