Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A bitchslap is in order.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
