Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
