it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
