get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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