I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize