The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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