i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
