I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
A bitchslap is in order.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
