is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
