How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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