when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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