woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
