The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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