Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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