I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
vagina is talking i cant
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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