I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
