just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
