I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
